it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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