i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
