i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
