My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
