Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
