Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
