i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
