We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
