Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
