fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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