my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
