oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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