I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
