Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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