I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
