I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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