Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
