call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
