Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my liver is dry heaving
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
