It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
