I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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