My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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