Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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