That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
