yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
