shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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