man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
