I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
