you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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