Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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