got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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