She announced her abortion via fbk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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