god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
