i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
