Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....

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  (724): So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner.... http://tfl.nu/8twx
  Replies (16) Good night (782) Bad night (3650)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20

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  (608): the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20 http://tfl.nu/n9vd
  Replies (48) Good night (1204) Bad night (6679)
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  (916): View more from California

  i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...

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  (916): i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store... http://tfl.nu/z9dc
  Replies (50) Good night (7911) Bad night (953)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.

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  (402): I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange. http://tfl.nu/kq15
  Replies (3) Good night (3400) Bad night (1248)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...

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  (410): He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone... http://tfl.nu/g061
  Replies (15) Good night (1508) Bad night (5987)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress

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  (774): I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress http://tfl.nu/bwko
  Replies (6) Good night (2098) Bad night (906)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name

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  (423): In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name http://tfl.nu/dqgq
  Replies (3) Good night (3097) Bad night (802)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.

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  (251): For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso. http://tfl.nu/t5dl
  Replies (2) Good night (1408) Bad night (680)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.

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  (813): For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club. http://tfl.nu/n6ph
  Replies (18) Good night (677) Bad night (1582)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.

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  (816): Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/x2rq
  Replies (8) Good night (612) Bad night (1407)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.

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  (307): I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER. http://tfl.nu/f0gg
  Replies (7) Good night (955) Bad night (545)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed

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  (215): If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed http://tfl.nu/cmm2
  Replies (16) Good night (874) Bad night (1541)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.

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  (785): Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes. http://tfl.nu/4ozu
  Replies (6) Good night (1081) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler

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  (615): And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler http://tfl.nu/itqd
  Replies (5) Good night (346) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.

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  (805): Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB. http://tfl.nu/41ax
  Replies (5) Good night (658) Bad night (362)

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