3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.