plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.