worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon