If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
