I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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