i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
