So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
