I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
