need another drink. this is the easiest way
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
