YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
