You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
