elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
