I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
