peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
