return my video game
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
