Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize