It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
