I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize