A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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