Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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