What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
