she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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