were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
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So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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