I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You left your phone here
Wait...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
