2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
