my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
