dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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