If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
