Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize