Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
