I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
