weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
