honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
