Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
