Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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