Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
